Thursday, 24 July 2008

• Dating--the PC Way

  Why do people edit/censor their actual wants for the sake of political correctness?
  
  WARNING: Really long post ahead. Feel free to skim, especially since the beginning is a bit of a rant.
  
  So after reading several blogs today, I've come to a conclusion. People seem to be incredibly PC about this whole dating thing.
  
  Gee! What do you mean, Bella?
  
  Well, I'll tell you. When someone says "this is what I want, this is how I feel, this is who I date" and someone else says, "GASP!!! That is so politically incorrect!" the first person retracts their original statement and reassures you that they are, in fact, open to anything, they just have certain preferences and maybe some insecurities to get over.
  
  I say, to heck with that.
  
  I am who I am, and I know what I want.
  
  The other day, I was hanging out with a guy who happens to be caucasian. When the race issue came up in conversation, he felt the need to explain to me that he is not in fact a racist, he is open to dating whoever and doesn't have any preferences as to the race of the women he dates. I'm like um...I kind of deduced that from the fact that you asked me here, and you've known I was black since the day you met me. Why bother to say it? That makes things way more awkward than they would have been. It is also completely unnecessary. Later on, he mentioned having previously dated a woman who was a single mom, and that the child's presence in her life complicated their relationship a lot. Then he somehow felt obligated to reassure me that there is nothing wrong with having kids or anything (despite the fact that I don't have any either)...it just made things more difficult.
  
  Want to know what I said?
  
  Yes, the heck there IS!!
  
  Here's the thing. If you want to date someone who already has kids, that is fine for you. But me personally, I am not going to sit here and tell you that I don't have a problem with it in my relationships, because I do. The fact that you have a kid means that the closer I get to becoming your wife, the closer I get to becoming that kid's stepmom. And if I don't want any kids right now (which I don't), why would I deliberately take on that responsibility? I know for a fact that I want to marry a man who has no kids. Why is that a bad thing? Why is it wrong and un-PC to refuse to put myself in a situation that I feel I'm not ready for?
  
  I also had to stop telling people that I have no racial preferences in dating. The honest truth is I have never dated a white man before in my life. And actually, until a couple of weeks ago, if you had asked me I would have told you that I couldn't really picture it happening ever, mostly because I never had before. Now, due to the randomness of my life and recent experiences, I admit that the possibility is definitely there. But I think that if I married a white man I'd even shock myself, just because that has not been a habit of mine in the past. Do I think that people should deliberately exclude certain races from their dating pool? No, I do not. However, do I think that it's wrong or racist to have a preference? Definitely not. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, brown skin is sexy.
  
  So I will end this post by directly and unapologetically listing the things that I know for a fact I prefer in a guy, even if they are politically incorrect. I encourage you to leave a comment and do the same.
  
  - I want a tall man. Tall enough that when I wear heels, I still have to look UP into his face.
  - I like men with dark skin. A lot.
  - I prefer a man who makes more money than I do. (I am a teacher, so this isn't hard to do.)
  - I want a man with a stable, 9-5 job, not a sporadic schedule where I  have no idea when I'm going to see him next.
  - I want a man who likes to dress nice. I love heels and hate sneakers, and it bugs me when we go out and I look significantly nicer than you do. If I'm wearing heels, I'd rather you not be wearing raggedy cargo shorts and flip-flops. Thanks.
  - I want a gentleman. I'm talking opening doors, pulling out chairs, paying for dates, carrying my books/bags/boxes/fridge...that is the way I was raised, and that is the way I prefer to be treated. (Yes, I am a princess--and proud of it! My dad and brothers treated me well.)
  - I want a man that is educated. I have a degree, and I want you to have one, too. (In my experience, we seem to have more in common.)
  - I don't want to marry a smoker. You can smoke all you want, just don't try to kiss me.
  - I am going to marry a Christian. I need my man to not only respect and support my beliefs, but also to share and help strengthen them. Christianity is about building each other up, and that starts at home.
  
  Gee, Bella, it seems like you listed mostly stuff that's relatively superficial. What about being smart, honest, funny, stuff like that? Don't you want those things, too?
  
  Of course I do! But what's un-PC about wanting someone who tells the truth? That's just freaking common sense. And seeing as this post is already exceedingly long, I won't waste your time listing givens.
  
  I may have offended or surprised or shocked some. I may have even sunk into apologetic PC statements/explanations without realizing it, as we are so constantly conditioned to do so. However, despite whatever negative feelings may have arisen, I hope that I have empowered some to simply be who you are and feel what you feel without apologizing! Even if you disagree with me and want the complete opposite of what I do, leave a comment and say so. And most importantly, do not apologize!!
  

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