How young is too young?
So I was reading this post by
melsie and it got me to thinking about a lot of my friends.
I just graduated from college. Like literally, 2 months ago. As in, I graduated in the Spring of 2008. As in, my student loan grace period is not up yet. As in college
very recently ended for me.
So what you're saying, Bella, is that you're a recent college grad. YES! That's exactly what I'm saying.
Well naturally, so are many of my friends. And here's the thing that is freaking me out. Despite the fact that the majority of us are just barely old enough to drink, somehow it seems like EVERYONE is getting married! A TON of my friends from high school are either married, engaged, pre-engaged, or intensely "booed up".
What the heck is up with that? And then I got back from STL and found out that a friend of mine (and this is freaky cuz I've known her since she was 11 and him since elementary school) is not only married, but pregnant, and STILL NOT YET 21.
Is that crazy, or what? What do you know about life before you're 21? What do you know about how to be a good married person? What do you know about wifehood? What do you know about motherhood? Neither of them went to college, and I don't know whether or not they had stable jobs beforehand, but I know for a fact that neither of them is rich!! And yet, here they are, less than a year married, she still only 20, and already trying to figure out how to support a kid.
I personally need to live in my own place for at least 2 years before I get married and live with my husband. I need to be established on my own, as a self-supporting, independent person before I get to the living-with-him-til-forever point. You learn so much about life, and successfully managing it, and how to be a person when you live on your own, and on top of that, you learn (if you choose to learn, that is) how to do important things like manage money and own/run a home. Going straight from mom and dad's house to your official his/hers house is like...going from childhood to marriagehood without doing any of the growing up in between. At least, that's how it seems to me.
What do you think? Is there an age before which you shouldn't get married? Or should you just go with it when the feeling hits?
Comments (4)
i'm 26...and soon-to-be married...i've been living on my own since i entered college...learned how to "manage my own place",earn my own income while studying(through part-time jobs)...and,literally "spread my wings"...i can say don't get married if you feel you're not ready to commit everything yet...if you feel you still have so many things to do and accomplish;ON YOUR OWN...or you'll regret it...
I don't think you should get marrried before the age of 19. I know that there are some teens who feel like they've found their soul mate at that age, but I think you should experience life as a kid and life in general more before u settle down. Marriage is a big commitment and I don't think people in their late teens are ready enough to handle that responsibility.
I completely agree with you. I find it very important to establish my own independence before becoming dependent (or depended) on by anyone else. I want to form all of my own opinions beforehand so I don't wake up one day and realize that my opinions were never my own (but my husband's). For those who want to have kids, I think late twenties to mid thirties is the sweet spot. I like to know that, in the end, I have the option to leave a bad relationship and be perfectly happy on my own (that neither my physical nor emotional securities are completely reliant on another person, only shared, and that at any time I can repossess my happiness). That is my definition of true love; Having the ability to leave and choosing not to. (when two people who are completely able and willing to live self-sufficiently on their own chose to be together for no other reason that that they love each other. This way both sides can also understand what they really put in and take out of the relationships so both sides don't think that they're contributing 80%)
@simplyanna - So true! You really do have to be willing to give everything to your relationship if you want it to succeed, and so many people don't understand that.
@melsie - Right. The flurry of dramatic feelings in high school often make people think that they are "in love" and have found their "soulmate" when they really don't understand exactly what that means.
@PepperHeart - "when two people who are completely able and
willing to live self-sufficiently on their own chose to be together for
no other reason that that they love each other" <-- I like that. There's a saying that goes, "in relationships, two halves do not make a whole." You need to be a whole person on your own before you can have a whole, healthy relationship with someone else. I learned so much about who I am while I was in college, and those years were absolutely crucial to my growth as a person.