Compliments are great--but can you overdo it?
In one of her posts a little while ago, antisoccermom said "Flattery will get you everywhere with me" (or some similar statement), basically saying she loves compliments, so compliment her a lot. Naturally, all women love compliments, myself included.
But...
Excessive compliments get on my nerves. Like, an extreme amount. I knew this guy once who wanted to go out with me. I told him directly, early on, that I was not interested in dating him, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at the time, but we could be friends. Naturally, his interpretation of that statement was,
I should ignore her clear, honest , tactful rejection and continue to try really, really hard. And that's exactly what he did.
He spent every single conversation we had gushing over me: how simpatica, how guapa, how amazing I was. How I seemed like this wonderful person, how I was la mujer mas bella del mundo, how he liked me so much, how I was so great, how I was so pretty, how he liked me so much, how I was so great, how I was so pretty...you get the idea.
Here's the thing. "You're so great" is not a conversation starter.
What on earth do you say to that? "I agree"? "No, really, I'm just okay"? "Thanks"? I usually went with option 3, but that doesn't help the conversation along either. The other thing was, this guy barely knew me. I mean, this madness started the day we met and continued on for weeks, despite the fact that he spent more time complimenting me, asking me out, volunteering to wash my car and (literally) kiss my feet, and complimenting me some more than actually getting to know me. Then I was hanging out with a guy a couple of weeks ago who also happened to be interested in me. Over the course of three hours, he managed to compliment my lips, my eyes, my hair, my smile, my shoulders, my legs, my chest, my complexion, and my outfit, as well as claiming to like every visible aspect of my personality.
In the words of Bill Cosby,
"Come on, people!" I may be attractive, astute, and awesome, but seriously.
(I must admit, I adore alliteration.) You can't possibly like me that much if we just met and you actually know next to nothing about me. You can be attracted to me, but temper your attraction, please. Rein in those hormones. We are all grown-ups here.
My last guy was incredibly talented when it came to well-timed compliments. He called me beautiful every day, but always at moments when it was clear that he was sincere about it. (When I did my hair the way he liked it, when I got dressed up to go out with him, when we were lounging around and he was just gazing at me...you know, those perfect moments.) He did not call me beautiful every two minutes. He called me amazing, and he'd known me for three years and started off by saying "I've been thinking about this for a while..." so I knew that when he said it, he meant it.
I guess compliments are just more sincere and believable when they are well-timed and founded on our actual relationship, not the one you wish we had.
How about you? Have you ever been excessively fawned over or gushed about by someone who hardly knew you? Does it bother you too, or do you enjoy it?
Comments (3)
It hasn't happened to me but then again, I don't usually attract women that would fawn over me.
But I have lauded compliments to someone before. We did not know each other in person and when we finally met, I was amazed by her. I wanted (had a strong urge) to let her know all those things she did or was that made me smile or my eyes light up. I would like to think I did it tactfully and performed them in a well-timed manner. (She did ask if I wanted to marry her before she agreed to marry someone else. We had become friends in real life after a short period of time -- with my compliments and all.)
As a reasonable person, I think too much of anything can get annoying. (Dare I say it? Even physical presence and making it known you are there with them.)
Morena, you are the sun that shines in my sky, the river that feeds my ocean of passion. lol. I'm sorry, just teasing you love. Compliments are great, but if used too often, they can detract from how genuine you might want to sound. Just the same as those three little words, "I love you." Said often and too quickly their meaning can be lost. I do not mean to say that there is a specific time or place that compliments should be used but there is an amount of how often to say them. Also I think that wording is important. IE, Steve will always tell me that I'm beautiful, but never directly. He'll just stop what he's doing and stare at me, smile and say, "You look great today." Just like that, simple and direct but never over used. Oh, and I too have been fawned over, it's pleasant initially but tiring after a short while.
@uwrote - Hey! Thanks for the subscribe and the comment! You probably timed your compliments well, since it doesn't appear that she ran away screaming
It's wonderful to hear amazing things about yourself...but man, twice a minute?
@itiscomplicated - Aw, thanks for the compliment lol.
I've never been called a river before. 
I think that's what I was getting at--too often, and it just doesn't seem genuine anymore. I think that with "I love you", people all too often say it too soon. I've had guys say it to me and had to tell them "No, you really don't" because we just weren't at that point yet in my opinion and I really didn't believe them. Steve sounds like a great guy! My last guy would do the same thing. We were leaving a restaurant after dinner one night and he turned to me in the car and said, "You look really pretty." I smiled the whole way home.