Cute 'n cuddly, or sharp-toothed and dangerous?
So I was reading a post by simplyanna about this book she read called What Men Want. It sounds really interesting, actually. One thing the authors said about men is that they are extremely jealous, so attempting to inflame their jealousy will always backfire (I'm assuming either by them leaving you or by them cheating back).
That got me to thinking back to a recent relationship. See, I love to dance. I used to go salsa dancing every Thursday and most Sundays as well (those were the nights when it was free
). Naturally, since salsa is a partner dance, I made friends with a lot of the guys I danced with who regularly frequented the clubs I went to. Well, I skipped out on a trip to the club one night and stayed in with my guy, which turned out to be a good decision because during a later conversation he informed me that he "would have been mad if I went". I asked him why and he said because he was jealous. We'd only been dating for a short while at the time and I was actually completely shocked
to hear him say this. He was jealous? Of some random guys at a club?
And then I thought, how CUTE!
He's jealous! He actually cares that I'm going to be surrounded by other guys who will likely be flirting with me and it bothers him. How adorable
But then I realized that we had a problem. Because when I say I love to dance, I mean that I
love to dance (during show season, I danced at practice 2-3 times a week, PLUS 1-2 trips to the club to dance some more). And if I had to skip my weekly trips to the salsa club because my boyfriend was jealous of my dance partners, I wouldn't get to dance anymore. And that would depress me. A lot.
It never came to a head because we aren't together anymore, but this is one of those touchy situations. I can't stop dancing just to pacify his jealousy because then I'm losing out on something that makes me happy. But at the same time, I appreciate the fact that he cares enough to get jealous and I want him to be happy, too.
Where is the limit? When is jealousy okay (or is it ever?), and when does it become a problem?
Comments (4)
Jealousy is a strange topic. Sure you want your SO to be a little jealous but you don't want them to be psychotic jealous, thus preventing you from doing the things you love. Now I find that with Steven, he doesn't display jealous behavior at all. It's more of a protective instinct. He's always making sure that I feel comfortable around other guys. So I suppose once you learn to trust somebody completely, jealousy turns into that protective instinct. Did that make any sort of sense?Â
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I made the
mistake of allowing my wife to be overly jealous. Right before we
were married we went through a rough spot where I wasn't sure who I
wanted to be with, I went back and fourth for a while with her and
someone else before making up my mind and propsing. Of course by then
I had a lot of making up to do, so I didn't confront it, a few years
later I realized I had no female friends, in fact I now felt
exceedingly awkward, and guilty, if I talk to women, not always, but
often. I think this is now an issue her and I both must
confront,(what makes me angriest is when I get yelled at for looking
at girls when I'm not, If I am its OK but when I'm not! Anyway I
would advise no one give up there true life passion's (like dancing)
just to satisfy a BF or GF, marriage I'm afraid, can be more
complicated.
Well one of the ten commandments speaks against jealousy-- it is never ok to be jealous, but it is perfectly fine to care
and the Bible says anything our hand finds to do, we should do it unto the Lord, so if you use your dancing in that manner, and someone is discouraging that, then its lkind of ike them trying to stop you from praising God.
and you shouldn't sacrifice your own happiness [because u were given that gift for a reason], AND ur relationship with God..for a man
hope this helps:)***
@itiscomplicated - Yes it did. I think that it's that protective instinct that I find adorable, and that I really like. It's kind of cute at first, but then it's just kind of insecure and I would hate for him not to trust me. Thanks for the comment!
@Cman - Yeah, when you're married you're in it for the long haul, and probably end up giving up a lot of things. I was listening to this radio program the other day and this woman's husband wanted her to sell the business she owned and ran from home because it was taking too much of her time and energy and he wanted her to focus on being a wife and mom. And I think she ended up doing it, because family has to come first. Thanks for the comment!
@bigbirdluver@xanga - That commandment does speak against jealousy, but against covetousness, which is a little different. He's not technically wanting what "someone else has" if I'm *his* girlfriend. But anyway, that's beside the point. I do love to dance, and I still do it, and I think that it would have been really difficult for me to give it up for him. I'm glad that the issue is over. In general, I think your man should encourage and increase your happiness, so maybe I'll just have to date a dancer :) Thanks for the comment!