So I was reading this post on the main page about seeing patterns in your relationships that you don't like and wanting to change them. One of the questions the OP asked at the end was, "Are you unlucky in love?"
I got to thinking about that phrase. How much of the whole 'love' thing has to do with luck? They say 'you can't help who you love' and they say 'you can't control who likes you' and lots of people think that statistics (like the crazy divorce rate) determine the likelihood of your relationship lasting.
I'm inclined to think otherwise. When it comes to being attracted to someone or not, I think a lot of times, you can't help it--sometimes there are perfectly nice, I-feel-like-I-should-like-him-more people that I'm just not interested in. Other times, there have been crazy, what-is-my-problem people that I should not have been interested in, but was.
I thought about it, though...and realized that I do have an influence on who I like, because who I am interested in and attracted to is partially determined by my values. If I value money, I'll be more attracted to rich guys. If I value melanin (lol), I'll be more attracted to darker-skinned guys. If I value height, I'll be more attracted to taller guys. If I value my faith, I'll be more attracted to guys who share it. If I value stability, I'll be more attracted to guys with regular hours and sedentary jobs. If I value charisma, I'll be more attracted to outgoing guys, and if I value confidence, I'll be more attracted to bold ones. And it goes the other way, too--aside from random encounters, the way I carry myself and respond to people affects who is attracted to me.
So what does it mean to be unlucky in love? Is it possible? The issues I had in my relationships in the past were issues that I needed to work through. Once I stopped giving in to my insecurities and allowing myself to be dragged through the dirt, I found myself in a fabulous relationship. But at the same time, I've met very few guys in my life who have been as awesome as that one. I haven't dated much cuz I'm picky, and when I lower my standards it never ends well. So has Lady Luck just shrunken my dating pool? Who knows?
Is it luck, or is it me?
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