is a corny way to say it.
However, it is a pretty good definition of what true intimacy is. And I was reading this blog about relationships earlier today, and it got me to thinking. The relationship 'expert' who writes the blog's biggest relationship tools are self-knowledge and self-possession. What a thought.
We spend so much time in relationships worrying about getting to know the other person and allowing the other person to get to know us, focused on achieving this level of intimacy that we've always hoped and dreamed about...and so little time paying attention to our own thoughts and feelings.
I think this is more true of women than men because we have been taught to repress our emotions for the sake of decorum and harmony, though I could be wrong about that.
This one woman wrote in and said that she was out with this guy and offered to pay for her half of the dinner. He refused to let her pay, and said he would never want her to think that she wasn't worthy of an expensive meal. Now, however you feel about going dutch, that's not the point. The point is, she went home and contemplated his statement. Did she really think she wasn't worthy of an expensive meal? She realized that her ex's influence on her was still affecting her thoughts and actions, and she had offered to pay specifically because she didn't want to offend the guy she was dating. The last guy she dated was often offended by things she did and made it very clear to her. In fact, he was a huge jerk and went out of his way to "punish" her when she did something he didn't like. Good thing she got rid of him.
Anyway, I think it's a really interesting idea; deliberately using every interaction not just as an opportunity to learn about another person, but also to learn about yourself. I think I'm going to try it. Each interaction that you have with someone can teach you about that person, and also about yourself. So allow yourself the opportunity to learn.
Comments (2)
This is a good idea :] I'm going to try it, for sure.
That is a very interesting view... I've decided it's somthing that I will do as well, use interacting with people to learn not only about each other, but myself as well.
I've done what that girl did, try to do things myself so as not to offend others by letting them do things for me..... A very familair phrase I used to use was that "I don't want to offend (that person)," or "I don't want to be a burden."