So yesterday me and the bf kinda got into it. We weren't fighting per se, we were just disagreeing and expressing frustration (that last part was mostly me). So he totally doesn't get it sometimes, which is pretty frustrating for me. So I tell him. At least it's good emotional exercise.

Basically, it was the same old "you never spend time with me!" "that's because I'm busy" conversation that like every couple has. I sad earlier that I wanted to have a "normal" relationship. I want to actually date my boyfriend, especially since we haven't been together that long. You're not supposed to slip into convenience mode within the first few months, right? That's for later. So right now, I want to go on actual dates. I want to get excited and get dressed up and go out. i want the time we spend together to feel special, not rushed and haphazard. But he, except when it comes to work, lives his life haphazardly. I told him he never plans anything, and other people plan stuff. He was all mad that I didn't keep my schedule open to spend time with him this weekend, but I said we didn't have plans, so what would be the point of that? Unless he says "i want to hang out on this day at this time", I don't have any reason to think we're doing something then. So if someone else invites me somewhere, i'm going to go. And that is that. All of the things on the agenda this weekend that don't involve him were planned at least 5-6 days in advance, except one. Most of them were planned at least a month ahead of time. He asked me friday was I as doing Friday night, and then decided we "probably wouldn't see each other" because he had "plans". That's lame. First of all, if he had plans, why bother asking? Second, why is he so addicted to "probably" and "maybe"? Give a definite answer, please. Commit to something. Don't keep me in suspense, hanging on to the possibility that I "might" see you when you KNOW you are too busy to hang out.

So I told him i'm tired of this and if he wants to spend time with me he's going to have to start making plans with me. I feel really unimportant when he says "maybe" we'll hang out, if he gets around to it, after he's done with his errands and everything else he wants or needs to do that day. I'm the last thing on his list, the thing he may or may not get to. It upsets me that he feels he can just reschedule me if he doesn't get around to me. I feel like my time is disrespected when he says we "might" hang out tomorrow but refuses to tell me when, but expects me to be free *if* he decides he wants to. I feel disrespected when he says I should lie to other people about my availability or turn down invitations to hang out, just to keep myself available for the *possibility* of *maybe* spending time with him. That's stupid. I told him if we don't have plans, I'm making plans with someone else. So if he wants to see me, he's going to have to do it the normal way. Ask me out, tell me when and where, and then show up. How has he managed to live outside the natural order of things for so long? This baffles me.

Dude...Boundaries...what a great book.

I officially went out on a non-date yesterday with the guy from work who's been into me, who I found out is nearly twice my age. And here's the weirdest part: he was totally aware that there was at least a decade between us, and he was okay with that. What is with all these crazy men that like to date younger women?

Anyway, that's over. However, I talked to this new guy and it turns out that the chance of him moving up here is very good, I just don't know how soon. And so now I'm wondering...what next?

So I was totally thinking about the whole possible boy situation thing that will probably be decided by next week sometime. We've talked almost every day since last Friday, when he told me. I'm trying not to get too excited, and he said the same because last time he interviewed for a job in Florida it went well but he didn't get it. And I want to be excited about it but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed. I'm excited for him, for Tuesday, but I can't wait for Friday...or whenever they make the final decision. Suspense...ugh...